25-08 - Flipbook - Page 97
August 2025
people! And that9s where practice can help. It doesn9t mean you should start overapologizing to the point that it becomes meaningless. Instead, practice offering timely,
genuine apologies for missteps that you typically wouldn9t call yourself on. For example, if
you respond more harshly to your spouse than you intended, take the opportunity to say
you9re sorry instead of just assuming it9ll blow over. When you practice making amends
without excuses in lower-stakes situations, it becomes that much easier during the bigger
conflicts.
3. Bringing up a tough topic
Sometimes you know there9s an issue to address, but you refrain from bringing it up. Maybe
you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or even scared to broach the subject. Will it stir up a fight?
Will it uncover other issues? Will your spouse be angry or hurt? So you keep quiet, hoping it
will resolve itself, which of course rarely happens. Instead, resentment builds, and the issue
grows even bigger. Learning to be assertive and push through those feelings of discomfort
to face an issue head on is a challenge for many individuals and couples alike. But once
you start doing it more, the easier it becomes, setting a positive precedent for future conflicts in your marriage.
4. Truly listening
On the flip side of assertively bringing up an issue is listening to it 3 without interruption,
judgement, or getting defensive. It seems simple enough 3 you just have to bite your
tongue until your spouse is done talking, right? But it9s more than that. Instead of just waiting
for your turn to speak (and mentally formulating your response as you wait), focus on really
hearing and understanding the heart and emotion behind what they9re saying. Active listening, in which you reflect back to you spouse what you9re hearing from them, is one of
the hallmark skills of good communication. The great thing is you can practice this all the
time, not just during conflict.
5. Expressing appreciation
In your mind, there9s probably no doubt that you appreciate your spouse 3 who they are
and all that they bring to your marriage. But do they know that? Do you make a habit of
expressing your gratitude and appreciation for them, or does it come far and few between? If it9s the latter, make a point to show your appreciation a few times each day.
Maybe you notice how well they handled one of the kids9 meltdowns, and you praise them
in the moment. Or perhaps you9ve noticed how they take on so much of the mental load
day to day, and you let them know you see and appreciate it. It9s yet another case in
which the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
With practice, there9s often a component of repetition. It builds a sense of muscle memory
that enables you to do things without even having to think about it. Surprisingly, you can
apply this in your marriage as well! While you might think that practicing your way to a
stronger marriage isn9t realistic, these examples hopefully make you think otherwise.
