25-08 - Flipbook - Page 57
August 2025
spouse truly hear and understand it. Maybe it just never seems like the right
time to bring it up, or you9re worried you9ll be judged or criticized. Perhaps
you9ve been hesitant because you9re unsure how your spouse will take it.
Time to put it out there! Similar to unaddressed issues, holding back and
feeling unheard or misunderstood by your spouse slowly builds a wall
between you. If you and your spouse have things you need to share, focus
on being good listeners and hearing each other out. Work to understand
where your partner is coming from instead of getting defensive or taking
things personally. Upping the empathy between you has a positive effect
all throughout your marriage.
How would you rate your communication and connection level lately, and
why?
These could be two separate questions, but communication and
connection typically go hand in hand. When you9re feeling connected to
each other, you9re probably communicating well, and vice versa.
Conversely, when one is faltering, the other is probably not going so well
either. Reflect on what might be hampering your communication and
closeness. Is it the issues or things you needed to share? Is resentment
causing you to withdraw? Are you assuming negative intent instead of
positive? Often it9s not one single variable, but a series or combination of
things that leads to distance between you.
Are there external factors that could be contributing to your friction lately?
While the internal dynamics of your relationship likely play a big part, your
marriage does not operate in a vacuum. It9s inevitably affected by all the
things in your orbit, some of which you have control over, and some of
which you don9t. For example, it could be you9re in a particularly
challenging season of life or transitioning to a new one. Maybe you9ve just
experienced a crisis or traumatic event. Perhaps your job or family
circumstances create ongoing stress or uncertainty in your daily lives. Take
time to acknowledge how these things affect you individually and as a
couple. Remind yourselves that you9re the same team and that you9re
stronger working together than against each other.
What steps can you take when things start feeling off in the future (or to
avoid it getting to that point?)
A productive discussion is great, but walking away from the conversation
with a plan for how you can both grow as spouses is even better. Maybe
you agree on a code word to say when you9re getting snippy with each
other, and that means it9s time for a reset conversation. Or you decide to
prioritize date nights more because you know it help you stay emotionally
connected. Whatever you settle on, incorporate a way to hold yourselves
to it 3 write it on a post-it and stick it somewhere you both see it if you need
to.
If things are feeling off between you, it9s not the end of the world. It9s simply
a good indicator that it9s time to sit down and get to the bottom of what9s
going on. You9ll likely go through this cycle many times over the course of
your marriage. The goal isn9t necessarily to eliminate it entirely, but instead
to always be invested enough in your marriage that you keep asking the
questions and having the conversations that will get you back on the right
track.
