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Mi n i str i es
Dealing with relationship issues
8If you keep attacking each other…you will destroy yourselves.9
Galatians 5:15 CEV
Every worthwhile relationship can experience problems. With that in
mind, it9s important to recognise this:
1) Problems are inevitable, normal, and potentially beneficial.
They9re inevitable because relationships bring together very different people. They9re normal because all relationships, including
great ones, go through ups and downs. And they9re potentially
beneficial because, handled effectively, the relationship can grow
through problems.
2) Generally speaking, there are three problem-solving styles.
a) The avoid style. These are the 8don9t-rock-the-boat9 kind of people. They bury their feelings without realising those feelings will undoubtedly rise again down the road. They go from clam up, to build
up, to blow up, inviting mental, emotional, and physical side effects. Meanwhile, the problem keeps growing, and the unfinished
business erodes the relationship.
b) The attack style. These are the 8get-them-before-they-get-you9
people. They9re fighters who refuse to concede, so they inflict
wounds on each other, wounds from which it can be hard to recover. The Bible says, 8If you keep attacking each other…you will destroy yourselves.9 Why? Because attack begets counterattack, and
nothing gets resolved.
c) The approach/assert style. These are the 8no-price-is-too-high-tomaintain-a-good relationship9 people. They9re sensitive to other
people9s feelings while insisting that both parties deal directly with
the important issues. They avoid blame fixing, attack the issue in-
stead of the individual, and invite others to partner with them in
solving the problem and strengthening the relationship. Try it 3 it
works!
Bob and Debby Gass
