25-10 - Flipbook - Page 73
October 2025
an argument, hurt feelings, and disconnection.
2. When defensiveness takes over
Your spouse makes a comment that strikes a nerve. You get defensive and
respond critically, sparking a similar reaction in your spouse. This can be a
vicious cycle, and the longer it continues, the harder it is to talk through
issues and be open, authentic, and vulnerable with each other. Stopping
this cycle in its tracks has a positive effect on many areas of your
relationship, including your communication and conflict resolution. That9s
why requesting a do-over when you9ve gotten defensive is a powerful way
to own your feelings and divert a negative spiral into a chance to learn
and grow.
3. When your listening is subpar
Your spouse is sharing something with you 3 maybe it9s the frustrations of
their day, an update on a friend, or the feelings that have been nagging
at them lately. You nod along, but are you really listening? Perhaps you9ve
got a lot on your mind, you9re scrolling your phone simultaneously, or
you9re mentally crafting your own response to what they9re saying.
Whatever the case, you realize you9re not truly hearing what your partner is
saying. Before they get too much further (and instead of pretending you
were listening all along) politely interject and own up to the fact that you
were not giving your full attention, then make sure you do. Practice active
listening by reflecting back what they9ve shared.
As humans, we9re going to make mistakes, and that includes in
communicating with your spouse. You9re going to say things you don9t
mean, in ways you don9t mean. You9re going to listen poorly from time to
time. But these missteps don9t have to determine the outcome of an
interaction or perpetuate negative communication cycles. Asking for a doover (and granting one) can help you practice good communication in
the moment 3 with intention.
